How I Got Here – Part Two


(If you missed Part One of this series, check it out here.)

Where were we? Oh yeah, Prince came to visit me the day he left the physical and I told him to take a hike.

And, of course, he did.

I drove down the road into town, having no idea where I was going and somehow ended up at a local Tuesday Morning store. Wandering aimlessly up and down the aisles, I wondered how the world could continue to go on when it had just lost someone so important. Like, how were we all able to still breathe? (Dramatic? Yes. I was in shock so cut me some slack.)

img_1442In any store, one of my favorite sections is the one with notebook/notecards and the like. New notebooks are like crack to me and I’m always scoping it out to see what’s new. So, there I was, in that very aisle when I spotted a small purple notebook with the words Purple Rain on it.

“Dammit! I told you to leave me alone!” I said to him in my head and just heard a small, almost whispered “okay, okay …” back.

Now you know I bought that notebook because how could I not? At the register, the nice person behind the counter said to me, “I’m so sad” and I replied back “Me, too” and that was all that needed to be said. She got it.

Back at home, I was a mess, spending hours and hours and hours online reading comments (especially over at Luvvie’s house which saved my sanity that day and the day after) and fielding Facebook messages from friends who knew I adored him. My husband came home and just hugged me for a long, long time. He doesn’t always know why or how I feel so deeply about stuff but he is always right there to hold me when I’m in that space.

I knew this intense pain was bigger than just losing someone I didn’t know, though. His sudden passing brought up some long-buried grief over my dad (who died when I was 15) and my beloved Goddaughter (who left us in 2006 at 19 years old) – it was like I couldn’t run from the waves and just had to stand in the water and let them wash over me.

piano-and-mic-pictureThere’s a recording of Purple Rain from one of his last shows and it’s, well, it’s otherworldly. I listened to it (especially the chorus) over and over and over and over, crying my eyes out until I had no tears left to cry.  I cried for my daddy and for the (god) daughter I lost and as I came to learn afterwards, I cried because a soul agreement with Prince was activated and I was scared (more on this later).

(You can listen below – it’s 9 minutes but worth it. Trust me.)

So, it took me about two days to cry my ass off, read everything on the internet, cry some more, listen to his music (thank you, Tidal) and pull my shit together. I finally said “Okay, I’m ready now. Please come back.”

You can read about our first conversation here. I knew that there was a bond and a connection but at that time, I had NO IDEA what was to come from it. All I knew is that he came to talk to me, I could hear him and we’ll see what happens.

Ah, such a sweetly naive time, now that I look back.